Please, learn to drive …

Let me start by saying, I get it, no really, I do. You’re driving down the freeway and 65 miles per hour just feels so slow. Your right foot starts inching forward, pushing that speedometer up to 70. Your heart beats a little faster as it crosses the 75 mark and creeps towards 80. For most of us, I think, this is racy enough.

There is a thrill that comes from bending the law just a bit, pushing back at the system that gives us the shaft more often than not. I really do understand, I do it too. However, there is a point where bending the law to get that edgy little rebellion high turns into something else entirely; something out of control.

Imagine you are driving along the freeway. You’re pushing the limit just enough that you don’t think you’ll get pulled over, but you are a hair above that 75 MPH mark. It’s before 6 a.m. so you’re comfortably driving in the HOV lane (in Phoenix the HOV is like Carpool except it is only between the hours of 6-9 a.m. and 3-7 p.m. or something like that), when that jerk driver comes up behind you.

You know the type, you have been the type some time in the past probably, I know I have been. This driver is the person who is so close you can’t see their headlights, at least that seems to be their thought because they turn on their brights to let you know they’re there.

Yeah, you know the person. I am kind of a sarcastic person, guess you probably hadn’t noticed that yet. Anyhow, being who I am I like to give lessons in driving, or at the least a friendly reminder. So when Mr. Brightlights (yeah, I know it is a poor mix of Mr. Brightside and Gremlins, so sue me), starts getting all up on my rear, shining his truck lights to let me know he’s there. I like to remind people of what the actual speed limit is; you know, politely.

Don’t brake check people, that’s so 1990. Also, brake checks usually end up like Example I:


No one wants to get in an accident, so don’t do this crap, k? No, what I like to do is politely remind people that the speed limit is actually 65 MPH. To do this, I turn off my cruise control (yes, I use this all the time, helps me maintain the perfect speed that optimizes my fuel and keeps me getting 35 miles to the gallon, gas is expensive ya’ll). Cruise Control (CC) is step one, I let the speedometer slowly reduce to the exact speed limit, then I re-activate the CC. Is this passive aggressive? Yes, yes it is. However, better passive aggressive than outright road raging.

Most of the time Mr. Brightlights gets the point and backs off. Occassionally, we get Mr. Roadragey Brightlights I’m More Important Than Everyone Else or Mr. RoBrIMITE for short; don’t ask, I have no idea what it sounds like or how to pronounce that name.

This joker is the one that actually increases his speed, whips around you, cutting off several other people so he can pull in front of you and brake check. Luckily, more often than not, his brake check is pretty non-committal because he’s in a hurry after all.


So, here’s the unpopular opinion part here, we’re all Mr. RoBrIMITE sometimes, knock it off. There is nothing so important that we need to risk the life of someone else, because we didn’t get our way. Stop acting like a spoiled, life is my oyster, God himself bows at my feet, child. You do not have the monopoly on “I’m running late”, “I’m in a hurry”, or “I like to push the limits of the law because it makes me feel like a rebel”. Join the club, we’re all doing this together, get over yourself.


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